Things were amiss at the Local market last Night.
Perhaps it was the inaudible buzz in the air. Like one of those old Television sets that prefer to crackle and buzz after the power has been shut off. Continuing to hum. Refusing to give in. The air stunk with malice.
All I wanted was a fresh pack of Camels and some eggs. Also, bananas. The Tater demanded more bananas.
As I walked into the large vestibule and made my way to the sliding Glass exit doors, I noticed from where the buzz and the Stink came. A couple, I assumed, young enough to know no better, stood toe to toe with steely gaze and Bad intentions.
Goddamn. This is going to get Foul, I thought to myself.
And fuck all if it didn’t go South as soon as I walked past the two.
All I wanted was a pack of smokes. And bananas.
“Gimme my goddamn money, you Fucker!!!” , she screamed.
Fuck.
“Bitch, you’re Cu-raazy!”, came the retort.
Double Fuck.
“I said, gimme my goddamn Money, fucker. I’m gonna KEEEEEL you!!” she screamed again. And with that she lunged, all 110 pounds of her, and slapped a buttermilk, waif-ish fist at our would-be thief.
Cool, I thought.
Then, he pushed her.
Not so Cool, I thought. And stepped forward. Waiting. Watching. One step became two. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, I thought some more.
“You mutherfucker!!! I want my fuckin’ money!!!”, she screamed again and I swear to Fonzie the glass storefront of the vestibule shimmied and warped under the ferocity of her shriek.
She lunged again and this time the “Clyde” to her “Bonnie” countered with a terrific SMACK across the right side of her cheek.
Fuck me, I thought, two more steps forward and crouched like a Mongoose. Fuck me Sideways. All I wanted was cigarettes. And, bananas. Also, eggs.
I reckon he didn’t know I was there and as he made to swing again, I caught his arm and whispered through closed, grinding teeth…..”strike the Girl again, and Money will be the least of your Worries, mi amigo. I promise you, you will know Pain and Immobility when I am through with you.”
He turned as if to continue his attack on My person.
He saw something there that he did not Like. Thank whatervergodyoubelievein. I'm old and I bruise pretty easily.
And walked away.
“I’m calling the Police,” an elderly Lady said as “Clyde” slunk away and “Bonnie” got back in the Cab where I assume all the Nastiness started in the First place.
Great, I thought as I walked to the Volvo. Where the hell was your Old ass two minutes ago?
All I wanted was smokes and bananas. Also, eggs.
But you know what, Brothers and Sisters. That could have been My daughter. Or, your Daughter.
And, I’m goddamn sick to fucking death of Apathy.
-word.
12 comment(s):
ooooohh! cIII. You took one for the team, eh? Now we just need to fill the world with the likes of you. Or at least every corner store. Proud to say I "know" you.
It probably doesn't need to be said, but I'm gonna say it anyhow:
Nicely done, sir. Nicely done.
Chivalry is NOT dead! My props to you good sir!
Good for you! Did you get your banana's,cigarettes and eggs?
Fuckin' word, cIII.
Good on you.
I hope you AT LEAST got your smokes after that ;0)
I knew you'd step in. Or step up. Or whatever it's called when you man up and jump into the fray.
So did you have a camel and a couple fingers of bourbon to settle the old nerves after that?
Nicely done.
Excellent, excellent. Along with C...O - I knew you were the man to do what needed to be done.
Good work. I hope you got your smokes, eggs, bananas and a big ole scotch after that.
You. Are. My. Hero.
I was all crouched there behind you, ready to cover your back if need be. I bite like freaking rottweiler.
You are awesome. I'd have been inclined to wander back to dairy and check out another carton of eggs to replace the ones I had that were likely cracked by this time.
Also awesome? This post. You do this well.
Shine on you crazy diamond!
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